Monday, March 18, 2013

Dealing With A Difficult Child...

We all know they are out there... "that kid". 
The one that wont share, the one that hits, the one that doesn't listen. The kid that talks back and mouths off.... "THAT kid"
Well what if that kid happens to be YOUR kid??

Braylee isnt "THAT kid", but she has the tendency to be that kid lol.
This post is mostly my advice on dealing with a difficult child. My situation.. followed by a 5 step process in how to handle a difficult child :)))

Before i get into this, let me just state that i LOVE my baby girl. My tiny peanut princess who made me a mother for the first time. She is my BEST friend and i really mean that!

I write this post to maybe help other parents who have a kid like mine.
Ok. lets begin.

From day ONE (ok maybe day 3), Braylee has been DIFFICULT. We brought her home from the hospital and she would sleep for about 2 hours at a time, but then would wake up to eat, and not go back to sleep. This turned into her being backwards with her sleeping. Basically she slept all day, and was awake all night. I kid you not, this lasted 2 WHOLE MONTHS! Mom got no sleep.
In that 2 months, Braylee eventually developed acid reflux and colic. So she kept me up all night, and would scream non stop all day. I swear she never slept...
Yes, there was a light at the end of the tunnel with the sleep. Slowly but surely, at 1 years old, Braylee would sleep through the night.

Once she was 12 months old. Her terrible 2's started! I figured, oh joy, she is going to have her terrible 2 stage now, and be a normal 2 year old! NOPE. It got worse at age 2. Then people started telling me, "oh you just wait till she's 3. It gets worse.". I figured there is NO way.. WORSE then this tantrum throwing devil 2 year old?? No she had terrible 1's, terrible 2's, we are going to have a GOOD 3 year old! Literally, the day she turned 2, she threw THE WORST tantrum EVER on her bday, and terrible 3's began!

Now. She eventually mellowed out at 3 1/2 years old... but i have just come to terms, that Braylee is my "difficult child" and always will be. Thats just Braylee.

Braylee has to do things HER way, on HER time. She has always been that way. She is feisty, loud, jealous.. my mom calls her little Tinkerbell :). She will let you know when she is mad. She has no shame making a scene out on public.

Now dong get me wrong. Braylee has manners, she is a sweet girl, she plays well with her friends. She has the sweetest little voice, she defends her friends (especially younger kids). She really is a good kid! But at the drop of a dime, her temper can get the best of her..

Now why is this?
How can she be so good, but so bad??

Maybe Braylee is this way because she is a Gemini (split personality thing). Maybe she got some of her fathers bipolar disorder.. who knows!

But what I think... is that we are just handling Braylee correctly!

THIS is where my parental advice comes in!

  • Let them BE them self!
-Like i mentioned, Braylee just IS they way she is. We know this. And we love her for this. We know she is feisty  We know she is GREAT at expressing her emotions.. and we dont try to change her. We help her to maybe handle things in a better way.. remind her... but i would NEVER try to make Braylee stop being the way she is. She likes to handle things on her own time, so we let her do that (unless the situation calls for something otherwise).

    • LET your kid express them self!
    -Not letting your child properly deal with their emotions is SO bad on your child! Children act the way they do for a reason! They are learning WHAT their emotions are and how to handle them. Only disciplining and not letting them express them self only makes inner destruction in your child. If they cant deal with their emotions.. it becomes destructive.
    -BUT, in the same sense, be a parent! Dont LET them hit. Dont LET them kick doors down. Dont LET them mouth off and talk back to you... 
    which brings me to my next advise.. 

  • Get to the bottom of the problem!
-Anger is a SECONDARY emotion. There is ALWAYS a different emotion that leads you into anger. Frustration, sorrow, confusion, etc. Think about it. Anytime you're mad, its because your sad about something (like you gained a pound that day) and that makes you mad. or you're confused, which can lead you to be angry. Kids dont always know WHY they feel angry.. and it can scare them! Hence temper tantrums. They are mostly scared and confused at WHAT they are feeling. They dont know what sorrow is, or confusion. They dont understand WHY a kid would take their toy, etc. 

-I think understanding is one of the hardest things to do for us humans. Its hard to put ourselves in other peoples shoes. Its hard to see things from another persons view. Especially cuz we add in our own life experiences. Example, its hard to sympathize with someone who is pregnant and complaining, when your pregnancy was 10 TIMES worse (just as an example lol). And with children.. we dont always take into mind that to a 2 year old or a young child.. someone taking their toy IS the end of their perfect little world. A tooth cutting through IS the WORST pain they have ever experienced cuz they havent had the life experience of something worse! Feeling sorrow and anger is new to them! So just try to understand!

  • RELAX!
-Lastly... RELAX! Dont sweat the small stuff! So they're throwing a temper tantrum cuz they want a string cheese.. Well is it really THAT big of a deal that they cant have one? So they want to stay at the park 5 more minutes.... is it really THAT big of a deal to stay 5 more minutes? So they made a mess of your makeup.. did they break anything? did they ruin anything?? Then RELAX!
Yes it might slow you down and you might be in a hurry, but if your kid wants to try to buckle their own seat belt.. is it really that big of a deal to just let them do it?!
Dont make a bigger deal of something then it needs to be! :))

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