Monday, September 17, 2012

This Is Me...


"You are who you are and that's all you can be... look at the world and say this is me, take me as I am or watch me as I go"



One of my BIGGEST flaws/personal problems.. is that i care too much.
Im CONSTANTLY putting others before myself. Im a people pleaser. I like to make others feel happy. I truly love and revolve my life around helping others.

Now you might be wondering... "How is that a flaw and a personal problem"?

Its a problem because im essentially neglecting myself. Im not protecting my OWN feelings and emotions. Im more worried about the other person and not hurting THEM, that i end up hurting MYSELF.

Ive always considered this a good quality about myself... until recently as im realizing its becoming a problem. People are starting to take advantage of this with me and walking all over me.

I think others become so accustomed to me being a push over and nice... that when i do make a stand for myself or realize im pushing myself too hard and want to slow down a little... its unpleasing to the person and they get mad at me. Like ive "changed" and im being "rude", when really all ive done is realized its not worth hurting myself or over working myself to please THEM.

Like with my photography business (or any business for that matter). You need to know your own worth and dont settle for less otherwise you're going to get walked on and your business isnt going to go anywhere.
(just a little scenario)

Everyone knows the last month of pregnancy is the hardest and most miserable.
Now that Baiden has dropped im in CONSTANT pain. Which i think all the physical pain is whats taking its toll on my emotions. (i will do a separate post about the pregnancy pain either tomorrow or in my Wednesday pregnancy post).

[So here i am at my breaking point emotionally]

Im just TIRED of being made out to be something im not. Im TIRED of being taken advantage of. Im DONE being a door mat. I know that i really have myself to blame for being treated this way. Ive allowed it for so long that thats all others know with me. But do NOT make me feel like a bad person just for protecting myself and caring for my OWN emotions for ONCE in my life.

Do NOT try to break me down and and make me out to be something im not..

Ive had a HUGE wake up call in the last few months as far as picking the people you surround yourself with wisely. Ive surrounded myself with good people who surround THEMSELVES with good people. I now am CONSTANTLY told how amazing i am. I am actually APPRECIATED and shown how much i am appreciated. Even by people who dont even really know me. 
I recently shot a wedding (my best friend Nikki Hatch's wedding), and the next day Nikki called me and left me a message. She said "i just wanted to tell you.. SOOO many people came up to me at the wedding and singled you out and said "you know that Christa girl, she is SO sweet and so amazing. She is such a sweet heart and so patient". That hit me SO hard (i cant even hold back the tears as i type). It hit me so hard cuz i've been going through a rough time with some people that WERE really close to me, trying to make me feel so ugly. Like im this HORRIBLE person when im not. 

And FINALLY!!..... FINALLY.... i have found friends who treat me just as amazing as i treat them. FINALLY i have good people who would give their shirt off their back for me, as i would do for them. FINALLY people who make me feel just as good as i try to make others feel. FINALLY!!

THIS IS ME!!

I KNOW my self worth. I KNOW who i am.
And i dont need to people who try to tarnish that beauty.
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