Monday, September 12, 2011

Marriage is Tough...

(all wedding pics taken by pointedigital photography)

I hope all my lovely readers had a FABULOUS weekend! I know i did! Husband surprised me with him having a 4 day weekend! So on that note, lets talk about marriage :)

When you get married, usually the idea is "till death do us part" or "for all eternity" if you believe in after death. Now thats a long time!
It breaks my heart when i see marriages fall apart, and it actually happens alot, as you all are aware. I think EVERYONE either has had a divorce, or a family member has divorced.

Here is a video on some HARSH statistics


Divorce Rates in America:
For the past decade, the overall American divorce rate has remained stable, at around 50% for first marriages. The statistics become more depressing for each successive marriage, with 65% of second marriages ending in divorce and even higher rates for third marriages and beyond.


Top Reason for Divorce:
  • Money problems
  • Adultery
  •  Abuse (both physical and verbal)


The Age and Race Factor:
Married couples nowadays are most likely young and ethnic. The younger a couple is when they marry, the more likely they are to divorce. Couples who come from different racial, ethnic, or religious backgrounds are more likely to divorce as well. As with all things, race plays its part, with 11% African Americans, 10% Whites, and almost 8% Hispanics having been through divorce.

CHILDREN:
Married couples with children make up a LARGE proportion of marriages ending in divorce. Statistics show that 2 out of 3 marriages ending in divorce have minor (under age 18) children in the home. American children are the least likely in the Western world to grow up in the same household with BOTH biologically related parents, with only 63% living the this situation at any given time.

Over 9% of all households are lead by single mothers, and almost 2% by single fathers. This means that over 10% of American households are being managed and supported by overburdened, exhausted, single parents.

As divorce statistics continue to rise, experts expect the proportion of single parent households to increase as well. Go figure right?

Well this can have a HUGE impact on not just American families, but the American culture as a whole as children from single parent households often do not receive the attention and security they need.

85% of children with behavioral problems and 71% of high school drop outs are from fatherless homes.

Studies have shown that children from single parent homes are also more likely to have teenage pregnancies and to become single parents themselves.
Children with divorced parents present unique behavioral and psychological challenges that out society is not yet equipped to deal with.
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Now these are just COLD, HARD facts. Doesnt this scare you?! Im not writing the post in a judgemental condescending way. My husband grew up in a single parent home, My parents have both been divorced before and are currently married to each other. Jeff and i nearly went through a divorce ourselves! Im not being judgemental at all.


Now i am not a doctor, nor am i a therapist (but i am highly looking in to becoming one lol), but i think that the REAL reason for divorce is that people just give up. Money problems lead to stress, stress leads to EVERY problem you can think of. But all it takes is that will to try. Get to the base of problems and fix it.
With all this divorce talk, that doesnt mean you have to be unhappy just so you dont get a divorce and and have to share your kids and all that junk. Everyone deserves to be happy. Get counseling if you need it. Get on medication if you need it. My husband takes depression medication its not that big of a deal. DONT make credit card dept if you dont have to. Dont get stuck in the idea that you have to have material things that dont matter. Money is the biggest cause of divorce because people think money buys happiness. They get things they dont need and create dept and stress. Even if you HAVE money, people hide behind it. They get all their fantsy fartsy cars, fantsy fartsy boats, go to fantsy fartsy dinners, but that doesnt get you happiness! Dont rush into having kids. Wait till you are ready financially as far as schooling goes. That is the one thing i regret, not having at least one of us go to school first.

Go on dates. Keep that fire burning. Keep the excitement going. Dont let your marriage get "boring". Stay away from porn. Its just bad, degrading, and not healthy for a marriage. Most young marriages fail because young couples still like to "party". A party lifestyle is NOT a marriage lifestyle. Drugs and alcohol only lead to bad decisions and cheating.

DONT IGNORE YOUR PROBLEMS!
Pretending you dont have a problem doesnt make the problem go away. Not caring to work on the problem will only make it worse. Denial is NOT your friend. You also have to accept that NO ONE is perfect. We all have our flaws. So you have to find that person who's flaws you can accept and deal with :)
But i think the BIGGEST way to prevent divorce is dont get married if you arent ready!
Wait till you have gone to school and got your education. They younger people get divorced quicker because they havent dated much. They give up on their marriage because they find themselves wanting to be with other people or say "i could do so much better". I got married when i was 18, im not trying to be a hypocrite but its just the facts. I went through questioning if i should have married. I went through the questioning if i should have dated more. Like i mentioned before, Me and my husband almost got divorced right after Braylee was born because of financial stress, and questioning our marriage. But we got the help we needed. We stuck together. For better or for worse. We are TRULY happy. I wouldnt be writing this if we were "fake" happy. I put it all out there because we arent putting on a show. We arent pretending. Yes we still to this day struggle with things as do ALL couples. But we work through it. We dont hold things in, we let it out, express ourselves, and FIX it.

When i first started dating Jeff, he had a drug problem that i was unaware of. I found out by getting a call that he was in jail. I could have left him. I didnt deserve that. But i stuck by his side. I was there to help him through all his struggles and still to this day, Jeff tell me i am the reason he stayed clean. Been 5 years now.
He struggles with bipolar disorder and depression and we continue to work through it, support each other, and stick by each others side.
Im not saint either.
I have my issues with being needy and had VERY low self esteem when we first got together. Nowadays becuase of my thyroid STILL being off, i struggle with mood swings, frustration, and so much more but Jeff sticks by my side and understands. He treats me right. He takes me on dates, rubs my feet, back and knees (lol i have knee issues). He helps me clean, helps with dinner, helps with babysitting the girls i babysit. He is such a good daddy. So caring.
But having all the being said, we BOTH need reminders now and then of these things.

So just remember. We ALL have our problems. But a marriage is something you have to FIGHT for. Dont get married if you arent ready to fight. NO marriage is easy.
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