Saturday, March 26, 2011

Happiness and Duckies

I feel like my blog has been really depressing lately (and it has), so this is my effort to bring some happiness to my blog. But i also want to document my feeling too so we will start with the happiness and leave the depressing stuff till the end so you can skip over the depressing stuff if you want :)

So a couple Sundays ago we took Braylee out to feed the duckies (we are trying to teach her to call the duckies cuz i dont want her learning the word "duck" lol). Sundays are daddy daughter day and Jeff would want me to make sure that i pointed out that he got bray dressed for the day and even did her hair :) he was so proud



It was a little chilly this day so we didnt stay too long but it was good to get out and it was fun to feed the ducks. It was such a beautiful day! i CAN NOT wait for spring!







 can you see the heart in the water?? pretty cool :)
Hurry up spring!
im sick of snow!


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So ive been doing ok. I think that when im around other people i am good at "faking" that im ok and i find myself ACTUALLY feeling ok. But when im home i cant even help how depressed i am. I went to work today hoping it would keep my mind busy but it was harder than i thought. 8 hours of "faking" just makes the depression worse. I have some sweet residents that like to ask about the baby and it hurt explaining to them that i lost it. One girl just stared at me with sad eyes like she didnt even know what to say and just repeated "you miscarried the baby?" and later asked if we were going to try again. Like 3 staff asked how i was doing and i really dont know how to answer that question yet. Then as i was leaving work, a coworker says "take care of your belly!" (she didnt know i had miscarried). It felt like a knife in my heart. I just said yea and walked out. Then to top the night off... i got home and sitting on my counter was the intelligender i had ordered. Its a urine test thing that tells you if you are having a boy or girl at 10 weeks along. I just came up to my room and cried for like 15 minutes. I needed to let it all out....

We are taking this one day at a time but it just isnt fair...
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